02 February, 2008

VFM Results and Selling Out

Hey there Advocate fans. Yes, you thought we were done, you thought we had better things to do, like schoolwork. And guess what – we do. But the Advocate is like crack; once you’ve tried it, you can’t go back.
First of all, let us tell of the glorious news. Through the magic of interpolated voting (or whatever the fuck it’s called) the powers that be have awarded us $1400! Okay, so we were beaten out by the Insiders and the Knoll, but they had ‘facts’ and ‘progressiveness’ on their side. Blatant cheating IMO. Still, that’s a lot of hookers and blow we can buy with that money.

Just kidding Mark Latham. We’d only get some low quality hookers with that kind of money and who needs those? Not these handsome devils.

I’d like to take a moment to thank Brendan and the VFM administrator for keeping the riff-raff out of the electoral process for the VFM by arranging the clusterfuck that was this contest. By starting the VFM vote just as the AMS vote was finishing, you guys ensured that uninformed and/or stupid people couldn’t muck up the results by voting for publications based on name recognition. In your face, Macleans on Campus! That’s what you get for producing no content! “Laughs maniacally”
Really, this whole election underscores the Napoleon III version of democracy that is AMS politics; only the educated elite vote, or even care. Or in this case, we orchestrate it so that people don’t know about the vote going on, unless they read such illustrious media sources such as this one. This leads me to a terrible, terrible conclusion.

It was on the back on the hack vote that we got our money.

That’s right boys and girls. We sold out to the man. We looked into the abyss of AMS hackery and the abyss looked back. These people know our names, they know our weaknesses. Like the Borg, they took our souls and absorbed us into their mainframe. There’s no hope for us now, but perhaps you, dear reader, may escape our fate. Read our posts, but travel not into the land of the Insiders. Pray for us, for we have lost all hope.

The gates of hell are open night and day;
Smooth the descent, and easy is the way:
But to return, and view the cheerful skies,
In this the task and mighty labour lies.
Virgil’s Aeneid


Jakke said...

Congrats guys - you did an awesome job covering the AMS elections. It was funny and readable, and it's awesome to see people who aren't already super-involved with campus politics doing such a great job.

The Knoll and UBC-I did beat you, yeah, but they already have built-in markets (enthusiastic granola consumers and pretentious self-important bloggers, respectively) whereas you really didn't.

Hoping this blog keeps running even as the current clusterfuck subsides. It's a way better read than that stupid Maclean's one.

Gerald said...

a) congratulations, folks.
b) low turnout benefits the margins; Alex Lougheed and I had a surprisingly cogent (given how many beers we'd had) discussion about it at Cold Fusion, and came to that conclusion - it's why he plans to appeal any rerunning of the elections, apparently.
c) yeah, what's next for you all?

Anonymous said...

Is that a planned appeal of a theoretical successful appeal?

Mind boggling.