01 March, 2008

The Wreath Underground: The Last Gasp

For those of you foolish enough not to attend the Radical Beer Faction's Propaganda Party last night, you missed the ultimate showdown between justice and terrorism, between beer and green tea, pizza and granola. For the Wreath Underground, true to their word, returned the Radical Keg and revealed themselves to the Public for the first time.

Two masked men, burst into MASS sometime after seven, shooting two individuals at the door with NERF darts. There is no word as to whether these injuries proved fatal. Clearing a space in the center of the area, they proceeded to break out their cheerleading skills by doing a proletarian dance sequence involving 'W's and 'U's. Their spokesman then read a 'statement' by the Radical Keg. Given that the keg has no voice, we find this to be a laughable attempt to put words in the keg's mouth...err, hole in the top. Anyway, they couldn't even read their statement correctly. The spokesman of the group kept losing his place and having to repeat himself. Perhaps he should get glasses.

The Radical Beer Faction, enraged by the molestation of their keg, then charged the WU's position despite their lack of NERF weaponry and succeeded in carrying off the Phantom of the Opera terrorist. He is currently languishing in the RBF's gulag, the location of which is classified. The other managed to buy some time by appealing for a dance-off and then was sedated by the music. He disappeared into the crowd and was not seen again. We therefore conclude that this cell of the WU has been neutralized, but others may yet remain. We only hope that they will be as easily defeated as this one.

Sadly, the WU struck while the Editor of the Advocate and this writer were indisposed, but our graphic designer managed to get the whole event on camera. In addition this intrepid reporter managed to find where the scoundrel had tossed his balaclava and weapon in his hurry to get away. This led to unfounded accusations that he might be affiliated with the WU and so he would like to dispel such rumors as quickly as possible. This writer likes meat and enjoys the taste of the tears of third world workers in his coffee.

In conclusion, democracy and beer triumphed last night, but we must remain vigilant. We may never know when the enemy may strike again.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Lies! The WU can never be defeated! We only tactically withdrew after establishing our dancing superiority.