the death of democracy.

Poor Matthew Naylor. He's had a bit of a losing streak. First, the AMS presidency. Then, Stéphane Dion's disastrous showing as the leader of the Liberal Party. Now, in his first go at a "real" election - meaning one where the grown-ups are expected to vote - he has gone down to defeat. Not only did he lose, however, but he ended up in dreaded last place, with only 66 votes (compared to his self-declared main opponent, Ben West of the civic Greens, who lost himself with 209 votes to UEL resident Maria Harris with 219 votes).

Much like a surgeon when he chucks a dead baby in the medical waste dumpster, I'm sad.

Clearly, there is much to be said about Naylor's political future. Does he come off as a partisan hack? Does his hubris get in the way of his aspirations? Do people - plain and simple - find him off-putting? Or, more importantly, do Liberals flounder when they don't have the party machine behind them?

Perhaps all of those things contributed to his loss. The ultimate fault, however, is not Naylor's. Not one bit, in fact. That fault, sadly, rests with you.

It's not Naylor's fault that just 743 out of over 11,000 people voted, the majority of them students. That's a paltry 6.7%, people. It's shameful, plain and simple. The really shocking thing is that this is, somehow, standard practice: Vancouver only posted a voter return rate of about 30%.

Democracy only works when people actually want it. Thus, perhaps the Devil's Advocate should stop pretending that this sham of equality and justice for all through elected officials is actually worth the trouble.

My proposal: kidnap Matthew Naylor and pump him full of steroids to give him a king-like hyper-masculine demeanor and persona, as well as to foster a large harem of Gage residents who will vote for him unquestionably (since power is goddamn sexy).

Then, the harem will go and seduce the fratboys, subverting their ideas of democracy (i.e. Dude! Let's vote off the fat chick! Survivor, Greek-style rocks!). They will be used to create a paramilitary wing of Matthew Naylorism. They will likely be called Red Shirts, so as to satisfy Naylor's devotion to both Liberal Partyism and Star Trek.

Next, the gates of campus are barricaded. Nobody gets in or out. The trolley wires are cut. The stairways down to Wreck Beach are torn out of the cliffside. It's gonna be autarky, bitches, and it's gonna rock!

Stephen Toope will continue his administration, but only as a puppet. Naylor will wield true power. Koerner Plaza will be renamed "Revolution Square". A guillotine will be installed. It won't be often used, but will be there as a reminder that, sometimes, some people need some killing.

Democracy will continue, it will just be that there will be only one candidate. Anyone who suggests that things should be otherwise will be sent to the guillotine! Anyone who runs against Naylor will be sent to the guillotine! Anyone who cancels the election single-handedly will be sent to the guillotine! Anyone who has people vote for them in the SUB on their laptop...well...you get the idea.

Democracy is not for the weak. That's what Matthew Naylor should be saying.

On behalf of the citizens of UBC - and the rest of Metro Vancouver by proxy - I hereby declare democracy: