10 February, 2009

Another open letter to Blake Frederick

Dear lover,

A lot has passed in the time since I first wrote you regarding my appreciation and my vote. I want you to know that since that fateful night I accepted the invitation to your house, I have never missed one of your debates, and my vote has always been for you. (Well, I make exceptions for Andrew Carne, but he's just such a hunk of an engineer.) You've always shown personality and spunk, darling, and despite having to share you with Emily "let's embarrass Alex Monegro" Griffiths - who I'm still jealous of - I felt very special for having the future 100th AMS President in my life.

So Blake, how did you think I would feel when I heard the news? Really, did you think of my feelings at all? I mean, I always knew you had... tendencies, but to run off with a whole slate, Blake? And worse, to have the evidence captured on video and camera? To me, that's worse than Paris Hilton's sex video - and likely a whole lot worse for your career. I hear you did it up against the walls of UBC, you did it in classrooms - hell, you probably did it in the AMS offices!

I wish we were married, Blake, only so that I'd have my day in court like you'll have yours. As it is, I have to suffer lonely and without any recompense, watching my one-time bedrock of virtue and goodness get slagged in the media and by uncompromising and bleak email statements from she-who-does-rule-from-on-high, Sarina.

Actually, I should have known better, Blake. I always seem to fall for the bad boys. Just think, before I met you I was falling hard for Mr. Flyerfuck himself, the dreamy Alex Lougheed... though that had to end after he put his 'ballot' in twelve other boxes. I thought I'd moved on to a better man, but my bad luck streak continues. Hopefully my next choice of man-love, a certain romantic young VFM coordinator, will do better to uphold the standards of democratic monogamy I look for.

Somewhere deep in my heart, dear, I believe that you are innocent, and if that day comes, I will likely run back to you with open arms, saying "I voted for him! I believed in him all along!". But until then, I just can't bring myself to show my face with yours in public. I felt especially ashamed when you pulled the Durganesque move of accusing a facebook group of comprising a slate, just by giving an endorsement to your rival. A little more of me wanted Paul Korczyk as my President right then. What can I say, Blake, I'm as fickle as the blogosphere and much less optimistic. You've broken my democratic heart on your cold slate tablet, and I want it back in one piece.

Seriously yours,


Ashley said...

Steve, that was beautiful. Brought a tear to my eye.

Justin Yang said...

That WAS beautiful. Very touching.

Korczyk said...

"A little more of me wanted Paul Korczyk as my President right then."

Let's not say things we can't take back, Steve :p